Posts Tagged life
I dropped out of college because of it. I went for a few months and I hated being there with all of those people who judged me every day. It was exhausting pretending to be one of them. I felt like I was different but I didn’t know why. I didn’t like to be out with people I didn’t know . I just wanted to stay home and play video games and watch TV. Some days my friends would ask me to hang out and I would make up an excuse just so I could stay in the comfort of my room. I really wanted to go out but It was easier not to do something that would take me out of my comfort zone. I liked my comfortable prison. I didn’t know what would happen if I went out there. It was too risky. I didn’t want people to discover that I was a phony- a prisoner in civilian clothing. I ignored my family most of the time. It was comfortable being by myself. No drama and no problems to speak of. I did feel very lonely most of the time living in my jail cell. Some days I didn’t want to live.
This is how I lived my life in my late teens to early 20’s. My life did improve after my mid 20’s. I eventually got a job, girlfriend and had 2 kids. Things were better on the outside but I still felt like a prisoner in my mind. I had a new life and everything started feeling overwhelming. I wasn’t used to this. I missed being in my room. It was as if I was fighting against two different people in my head; One wanted to enjoy this new life and the other wanted to go back to how everything was. I struggled within myself for many years after and it affected the people around me.
A couple of years ago, I discovered that I suffered from major depression. It all made sense. You would think it was obvious, but from the inside, it wasn’t. It finally had a name and I could do something about it. A ray of truth piercing through the heavy dark fog that suffocated me. It took me a few years to fight my way out though most of it. It was an ugly battle. Sometimes it still trips me up but now I know how to get up. This is how I did it:
I didn’t take medication for those who are wondering. Not to say that this will work for everyone but it can be a place to start.
- I exercise 5 days a week and eat healthy. No junk food. A healthy body promotes a healthy mind. It helps deal with daily anxieties and it makes you feel accomplished when you finish. (I recommend P90x,P90x2, One on one with Tony Horton, and Body beast).
- I focus on my art. This means that I turned off the TV. It’s mostly a waste of time. Unless you are learning something from it- don’t watch it. If I do watch something, it’s only while I’m eating.
- I catch myself every time I think of something negative. I label that thought as useless and I imagine throwing it away behind me like a crumpled paper.
- I focus on today. It’s a cliche but do it away. I Focus on being happy this moment. Don’t think about tomorrow or later today. Just focus on this absolute moment. Take a deep breath and listen to yourself release it…. You feel that? It’s called peace. Remember it and try to make this happen more often. We live in a society that forces us to rush at every moment possible. We tell ourselves that there’s not enough time and we freak out. STOP THIS. Once I put my worries away, I started enjoying life more.
- Be grateful everyday. Grateful for my 2 beautiful girls who love me more than anyone on this planet. Grateful to all of the people in my life and all of the things I have.
- I Cut out negative people from my life. Family doesn’t get diplomatic immunity. If they are toxic for you then cut them out. I did this years ago and guess what? less worries =)
This takes time and hard work but it’s worth it. Be consistent. This is how I broke out of my prison and the view from here is liberating.